Unheard voice of a woman!

Fortunately, most of the people I met in my life, whether it be professional or personal life, provided equal opportunities, in almost all circumstances. Therefore, I personally don't have immediate complaints on my family or profession. I have a great parental family who gave me highest education of a Ph. D. and I have been blessed with an amazing husband who not only supports my career unconditionally, but also shares every responsibility including house-hold work 50-50. I am making this remark because the moment people read this blog they start judging that there is something wrong with my family or profession. I can't change what you judge, but before judging me, just think, this piece of writing could represent an unheard voice of your mothers, your wives, your sisters or your own if you are a woman.

On this women's day, in this post I would like to express my thoughts of being an independent woman. From my childhood I was known as a feminist. I always fought for my rights. At home, whenever my granny used to set special rules for being a girl, I tried to educate her. Although I could not change what she believed, I was quite successful in protecting myself from following those rules.

However, I do have complaints on the society in general where I see un-acceptable discrimination. Hence, with a perspective to look at a broader aspect of the society, here are my humble view on how it works as of today-//2016.

I must tell you at this stage that I would be polarized to think of what I have seen directly. I do not promise to address all the points. Mostly I write on what I have noticed. My short background for this purpose is, I hail from south India, all my education including Ph.D. in astrophysics in Karnataka, and now doing my post-doctoral research in Germany.

Indian society or the society of the world in general, although has evolved to an extent that at least middle and higher class families allow girl child to go to school, study, work if interested (assuming that the girl child is allowed to born), but in social standards women are treated as second grade citizens. They are suppressed from such a long time that now some women themselves feel they are bound to be subordinates of a man. If there is a revolutionary thought inside a woman and if she dares to ask, she is considered to be a hot headed arrogant, selfish woman!

The main question I am addressing here is the IDENTITY of a woman. Why a woman is taken for granted always? Why isn't she respected for what she is! Why is her identity unimportant? This problem, to my surprise, is international. After staying in Germany for 3 years now, and after interacting with women belonging to several nationalities, I realized that the problems below are common in every country.

• It doesn't matter what extreme character a man has, such as he being a alcoholic or a loser in some sense, the children always get name of their father. Why no one thinks of including mother's name for recognizing a kid?  Why all the efforts she puts in giving birth, raising the kids have to be like the fruit behind the leaves? Once upon a time when the man was the bread-earner of the family and the women were uneducated, didn't go out of the house, it made a little sense that no one would knew her and hence children get father's name. But now? 
• A man always remains fixed with his origins, let it be his parents, his place of birth, his house of birth etc. But a woman 'should' change everything as though she is made of clay. I am not saying this is wrong. Perhaps sometimes it is convenient like that for both husband and wife. But doesn't this be made an option? But why it is a 'must'? why not it is a 'can'? If a woman wants to be recognized by her parents, her birth place, or the identity that she has earned on her own, what the hell is wrong with that? Now a days for people travel a lot for their jobs. When both man and the woman leave their birth place and make a living in a new place, it doesn't really make sense that she is recognized by the birth place of the man. Is this logical? Passport also requires that the person lives in that place for 5 years to be recognized by that address. 
• Normally marriage is about closeness. And when two people are emotionally too close they feel comfortable being addressed singularly. But in some villages, even this is a problem, not to the couple, but to the older people. They insist that the woman should have a plural addressing for her husband, the reason for this being, otherwise the society thinks she doesn't respect her husband! What about respecting the woman? Does it really matter?
• Even today people raise their eyebrows if a woman wants to support her parents financially even if she is doing that from her own earned money. Parents educate their girl child in the same way they educate boy child. But why only it is the responsibility of the son to look after his parents? Why can't she be a helping hand to her brother? Even parents think it is not good to be supported by their daughter. They feel shy! And then the daughter should be afraid of helping her own parents and she must do it secretly. Is this the culture we should be proud of?
• The household work and motherhood is completely considered to be a woman's duty, internationally. At least in growing economy like India earning of a woman is considered as extra income and is supported, even if not respected always. Further, family support during child birth is an added advantage. However, in the west a woman becomes responsible for all the household and motherhood that she is abandoned from giving jobs! She is discriminated outright! Even in India how many men share the household work without being ashamed of it? Why are men so egoistic and ruthless to let the woman do everything at home and outside, in order to balance the home and to bring income to the family? 

In this evolving world, when women are being educated, have earned their identity like a man earns it, why are these customs also EVOLVE and REFORM? In this current world, everyday we have software updates for mobiles, computers, laptops, tablets. Why are these outdated customs remain hundreds of years old? Why aren't they updated? When it is so obvious for some things, why is it so difficult to implement these ideas in our lives? Why after marriage a woman is expected to forget what she is of her own?

An independent woman like me, who has put lot of efforts to become independent, undergoes a lot of churning in own head, lot of interactions with knowledgeable, successful people, finally leading to a set of thoughts which she assumes to be solutions of all the questions she had from childhood. And there comes a time, when she goes from a completely protected environment to the 'real' world, where she faces strong opposition to all these ideas, trying to prove she is wrong! She must start all over again! Where does this end?

A man who respects women will be respected and loved much more. A woman can love her husband and family madly, balance work-family life, yet keeping her identity and self-respect unhurt. It is possible, if you want to. If you think you can bring a change in this respect, why not?

ಕಾರಣ 

ತಡೆದಷ್ಟು ಚಿಮ್ಮುವುದು ಕಣ್ಣಂಚಿನ ನೀರು;
ಆಳ ಎಷ್ಟೆಂದು ತಿಳಿಯದಂತಾ ಈ ನೋವು;
ಯಾವ್ಯಾವುದು ಕಾರಣ? ಯಾರ್ಯಾರು ಕಾರಣ?
ಹುಡುಕುತ್ತಾ ಹೋದಷ್ಟು ತಿರುವುದೆಷ್ಟೋ ಪುಟಗಳು;
ಉತ್ತರ ಸಿಗದ ಅದೆಷ್ಟೋ ನಿದ್ರಿಸದ ರಾತ್ರಿಗಳು;
ಹಠ ಬಿಡದಾ ಯೋಚನೆಗಳು;
ಕೊನೆಗೊಮ್ಮೆ ಸಿಗುವ ಭಯಾನಕ ಉತ್ತರ;
ಆದರೂ ನಿರಾಳವೆನಿಸುವ ಉತ್ತರ;
ನನಗೆ ನಾನೇ ಶತ್ರು!!
ಸಾಧನೆಗೂ ಬಾಧನೆಗೂ ಒಂದೇ ಕಾರಣ;
ಈ ಮನಸ್ಸು; ಈ ಚಿಂತನೆ;
ಈ ಹೊಸತು; ಈ ಕಾಲದ ಕಡಿವಾಣ;
ಈ ಸಂದರ್ಭ ;ಈ ಸಂಬಂಧ;
ಈ ಪ್ರೀತಿ; ಈ ಮಹತ್ವಾಕಾಂಕ್ಷೆ;
ಈ ಜ್ಞಾನದಾಹ; ಈ ಆತ್ಮಗೌರವ;
ಈ ವಿಮರ್ಶೆ; ಮತ್ತೆ ಈ ಹಾಯೆನಿಸುವ ಸ್ವಾತಂತ್ರ;

The reason

Translation

Stopping doesn't stop tears from rolling;
Beyond estimation is the depth of the pain;
How many people can I make it a reason?
How many issues can I make it a reason?
If I search, pages turn indefinitely;
And leads to countless sleepless nights;
But thoughts never give up;
To find for once, a terrifying answer;
Yet relieving is the answer;
 I am the enemy of myself!!
To achieve or to be depressed;
There is the same reason;
This mind; these thoughts;
This newness; this chain of time;
This situation; this relation;
This love;  This ambition;
This craving for knowledge;
This self-respect;
This analysis;
And finally the soothing feeling of freedom!!

A simple nature poem with rhyming words..
(like I used to write in primary school :-)
--------------------------------------------
In the midst of valleys steep,
Around the mountains high and deep,
Flows a river with constant music,
Carving the rocks with fun and frolic,
Once furious once calm,
Bringing around a new charm,
I, your and every tree,
Love your journey for it is forever free,
Bend a rock, jump a hill, but never giveup your goal,
You are a true inspiration to every soul..

This poem is dedicated to my husband Sandeep
It is written on 12/01/2012
-----------------------------------------------------------

ನಿನಗಾಗಿ
-------------

ನನ್ನ ಪ್ರತಿ ಉಸಿರಲ್ಲೂ ನಿನ್ನ ಛಾಯೆ,
ನಾಡಿ - ನುಡಿಯಲು ನಿನ್ನ ಮಾಯೆ |
ಪ್ರೀತಿಯೋ ಪ್ರೇಮವೋ ಕಾಣದೀ ಅನುಭವ,
ಹೆಜ್ಜೆ ಹೆಜ್ಜೆಯಲು ಸಂಭ್ರಮದ ಕಲರವ ||

ನೋವಿನಾ ಸೊಂಕಿಲ್ಲ ಕಣ್ಣಲ್ಲಿ ನೀರಿಲ್ಲ,
ನೀ ಜೊತೆ ಇರಲು ನಾ ನಾನಲ್ಲ |
ನಿನ್ನಲ್ಲೇ ಬೆಸೆದಂಥಿದೆ ನನ್ನೆಲ್ಲ ಎಳೆ ಎಳೆ,
ಶಿಶಿರ ಋತುವಿನಲು ಮನದಿ ಜಡಿ ಮಳೆ ||

ನಿನ್ನೆ ನಾಳೆಯ ಪರಿವೆ ಇಲ್ಲದೆ ನಿನಗಾಗಿ,
ನನ್ನ ಸರ್ವಸ್ವವನೇ ಬರೆದಿರುವೆ |
ತಪ್ಪು ಒಪ್ಪಿನಲು ಸ್ವೀಕರಿಸು ನನ್ನನು,
ನಿನ್ನ ಬಿಟ್ಟೆಲ್ಲವನು ನಾ ಮರೆತಿರುವೆ ||
---- ಎಲ್ . ಎಸ್. ಅನೂಷಾ ----

Tough Time

In my PhD Career there at times I felt life was too tough to face. I have a little brother who stood with me at all those times. He has filled the place of my big brother, whom I miss at these tough times. Once, I was going through a horrible situation, and in reply to my reactions to the situation, here is a poem written by my little sweet brother Avijeet.

A Voyage
=========

In the troubled waters of the night
a boat has set sail
gusts of wind and ocean waves
can't sway her from the path

tremble it may though
left or right at times
the rudder inside
is held steady and tight

the flame
that burns within
shines through the dark

behold o creatures of dark!
that dawn is not far away

rays of light
will soon fill the ocean
and every tear drop
will glitter like a pearl.

But Why???

In this article, I am going to describe to you, two personalities I met in France. In a way, both the personalities, particularly the second one was strange to me that I thought that I can share with you. I hope that you would like it. :)

Few weeks back I was traveling in a train in France. I was sitting in a window seat. After few minutes a person came and sat in the seat beside mine. He wanted a pen to fill some form, so the conversation started. He asked about my profession, science, research, astrophysics etc. I kept on explaining to him what research I do, not bothering much about whether he would understand what I am explaining.. [:) as usual]. He seemed very impressed and interested by it. He was working in some Insurance company. After some time he asked my nationality!! Then he told me that many Europeans go to India, and when they come back, they get transformed. Particularly, he explained the differences between Indians and Europeans in the sense of living alone. He said, "we Europeans like to live alone, and we want to live alone most of the times, but in India and China, people live so much together...". He expressed his ideas on Indian culture, togetherness, spirituality, etc etc. He asked me some questions like what I feel about Europe?
Well, for this question I answered in Europe whether you go to France or Switzerland or Italy, life style is so common. Its all the same. People have reached a saturation in the sense of uniformity. But India is so diverse from place to place, town to town.. Its a mixture everywhere.
By his expressions it was clear that he likes India. As everyone does I invited him to visit India once. But for me it was strange, he said he has a kind of phobia to travel in plane. Each
minute on the flight he would be feeling he would die!!! It is impossible for him to travel in plane unless he takes some medicine during the flight. He said he could do that for short flights, but its impossible to travel for 8-9 hours with medicine and come to India. I was confused. But why? Do people love themselves so much that they cannot imagine dying? Are people so weak that they cannot train their mind to be brave? If they like to live alone and hardly have any responsibilities, or attachments why one should have a fear of dying? Is it that they are attached only to themselves?? I really do not know!!! He was a gentleman, with a good job, why he has such a phobia I could not resolve. I suggested him (free) to train his mind that its just an illusion. I told him that by training the mind, nothing is impossible to achieve. He said he would try it... Then he offered me a cup of cappuccino.. When I hesitated, he asked me "Is it an offense to offer a cup of cappuccino?" I said certainly no and accepted. Then he let me study some research papers I had with me...:)

While I was Speculated by the "why" s, he got down and another person took the seat beside me. This guy was an young boy, who would have completed schooling. His English was horrible and very very hard to understand what he speaks...and I do not know French so much that I can form a sentence and communicate. But I had to know if the train was late by half an hour or so. I asked him in English. He showed his ticket, and with lot of difficulty he understood what I asked and again with lot of difficulty he was successful in making me understand that train is on time. Both of us were destined to get down at Nice ville. Now both of us had realized that it was very very difficult to communicate with each other. So I did not talk after that. But he had a problem. He was new to Nice and he wanted to take a boat to a nearby island from Nice PORT. He asked me do I know where is the PORT in Nice. To my surprise, the only place in Nice, I could guide anyone was Nice PORT. Because I stayed in Observatory situated on a hill called Mount Gros. Every weekend I come to down town Riquier for shopping and PORT was 5-10 min walk from there. All other places I visited were with some host who know the place well, and I never bothered to know the city in detail. Had he asked any other place I would say clearly no I can't guide. But I was so happy and surprised that me, an alien in an unknown country, who hardly explored any place to know the city well, can guide a person of the same country!! He asked me about a place which was the only place I knew!! He could have asked other french speaking people in train, as it was so difficult for me to communicate with him. But no, he was not interested to ask anyone else. Well, I guided him that he has to get down in Nice ville, take another train to Riquier and its just 5 to 10 min walk from there. But I was not sure that his boat starts from that PORT. I asked him if he is sure about it. He said he does not know where the boat starts. I said to myself, extremely careless. But I wanted to help him and make sure he takes the correct boat. He has internet on his cell but hardly knew what to search. I said to myself, un-educated!! I tried in several ways, looking at his boat tickets, search the boat names etc etc. Unfortunately GOOGLE showed only picture of his boat but did not tell from where it starts. To be sure, I asked him (forced him) to ask anyone else on the train who know french if they know where his boat starts. It was funny but he did whatever I told, but did only if I tell. He knows how to do things, he would do it perfectly, but he does not do it unless he is forced to do it...(like the character in Forrest gump??!!)... In this case, I forced him to do all these efforts...Finally we got down in Nice ville. In spite of advising him thousand times that he has to go to main entry, buy a ticket and
then come back to the particular platform to go to Riquier, he was about to go directly to the platform where the train to Riquier arrives. Again I went to him, told (thousand+1) th time what he should do. As I had to go to the same place, I asked him to come with me. Then we went to buy tickets. It costs only an euro from Nice Ville to riquier, but I did not have change. Unlike India shop keepers do not give change and so I had to stand in queue where one buys long distance train tickets to get 1 euro change. But then this guy came to me and gave his ticket to me. Then he bought a new one for himself. Again, strange because he could have bought a new one to me, instead of giving his ticket to me. Again I felt care less!! This time he forced me to take 1 euro as I was not willing to take. I owe him 1 euro now!! :)
In train to Riquier, he made sure that 1st stop is the one where we have to get down. Meanwhile he told me that he left studying just after school and now he is going to the island just to enjoy... He asked me how can I speak English.. I said it is a language taught in schools in India.. Then he said "For me too, but I can't speak..."!!! I just laughed.. Finally we reached Riquier. I showed him the direction to PORT and told him he HAS to walk fast as he did not have much time. I made sure he asks some french speaking people to know the exact route to the PORT and said bye to him again thinking BUT WHY???.

My Experience in Switzerland

Switzerland is a dream country! The high and wide range of Alps just inspires to work with much determination!! Those colorful leaves at the threshold of winter, reminds me of the stories I read in childhood about the Oak, the Jennifer trees..and imagined.
Truely, its a wonder.

There are mainly 3 (sometimes 4) important languages in Switzerland. This I came to know only when we landed in Zurich airport, trying to read some boards. German, Italian and French. So it is like a little India. Someone said, 'Switzerland is so small on the map, but the diversity in culture is not that small'.

Well, I had an opportunity to have some site seeing. Some are very nice and memorable. One of it was the Rhone glacier where the river Rhone originates. No words to explain. I felt an immense pleasure to watch those high mountains and deep valleys!! We were 2000 mtrs high and felt satisfied to be born!! Little too much but the pleasure is inexpressible in words. However, I carry those feelings marked forever.



Another nice experience was with chinyo!



If I was lost to myself, found myself back a little bit!! Grathsiye my dear chinyo!



For the first time (not considering in zoo) I watched and touched Swan. Its called chinyo in Italian. What a sweet word. It was so beautiful. there were littile chinyo too which are to be called pikkolo chinyo!!

Of course Italian is a beautiful language. To my surprise, it has an accent similar to south Indian languages. Whenever I tried to learn Italian words, I got a compliment for my accent. But I had to give credit to my mother tongue where we give much stress to 'ra' which is the case in Italian too. And an important thing is they speak what they write, unlike french people. For instance, 'bonjour' in french is to be pronounced 'bonshu' with only a little touch of 'n', not 'bon-shu'. But in Italian, 'buon giorno' is 'buon giorno'. I heard someone saying that Italian is called an Indo-European language. I did not search in google to check how much it is true. But nevertheless we did Indo-European, rather Indo-Italian dishes for sure!! :)
We prepared chapatis using Ferina floor, and curry of Finokyo (a vegetable in Europe), Curry of Pepparoni (capsicum). Actual recipe was italian. I added Indian Chatni powder that my mom had prepared and 'oggarane' too!! :) :) :) It was sooperb! Carrying heavy and light feelings, on my way to France in a week felt to share with you my experience. Grathsiye Swiss!!

Walking in Darkness

Far outside day shatters its door close,
Night drops in with its darkest layers,
Driving lost thoughts into its deepest honors,

Teaching to walk in dark when no hands hold;
Overtaking time which otherwise could heal the wound;

Laughing at the honest thoughts to be innocent,
Betraying life with bare and dry realities;

Locking inside the boundaries of duties,
Proving the existence of the truth only in imaginations-;

To all whom i miss...

If you are not there, i can't say i will be sad,
but, for sure will be lost in this crowded world,
like a drop of rain that will be lost in sea water..
like a feather of a bird lost in the bushes..
there will be enough space to live,
but i won't have anything to give..
I will not be a burden to anyone,
but like a guest in my own home..

i can't say i cannot afford losing your friendship,
as nothing is impossible..
and i cannot control the flow..
but it will be a wound that would never heal...
and i will be lost in the time-wheel...
and i am sure, it will never make a difference to anyone...
and a friend i would never lose
would be a lamp which reminds of my duty..

Who is the loser??

Time time time..
All run behind time...
Whether you waste or use it..
You never want to lose it...
Particular are you about time..
When it comes to spend for others..
You waste it for hours...
But you never want to spend it for others..
Its always the preference...
There is no true justice...
You make it convenient to your view..
You see it only through your door view..
Never bother to open the window...
You make others feel betrayed of your love...
But No...
Others find other way...
And go to other window which is open...
Loser are you...
You are frozen in your own pit...
Never opened the inner eye a bit..
You never feel the love of the cool breeze...
You never hear the song of a cuckoo...
You never see the real world...
When you really open your eyes...
Others close theirs...
You get what you sow..

My Passion towards Music

The most beautiful days i remember about navodaya are the days of eleventh standard, i started learning hindustani classical music with Surekha madam. We, i, and my classmates sourabha and
nandini told madam that we are very much interested to learn classical music. Being in a residential school, neither we nor she could get free time before dinner. So she started to teach us music at 9 pm every night. Ah!! i can't forget those days!! Most importantly, even though we insisted, she refused to take money and it is her greatness that she taught us music just for the sake of transferring her knowledge. In addition she showed us so much of love that my love towards music multiplied. She made each one of us sing separately the lines that she taught. Most of the times that night itself we would learn the things she had taught and only thing left was to practice it towards perfection. But sometimes it was not easy. Then she says, "Don't sing now.. only think of the tune, u'll get it the next day".. She was right.. The next night (in fact) we could sing it very easily...
One of the raagas i loved was the "Malkouns" called "Hindola" in carnatic music... When i think of "Sa Ga Ma Dha Ni Sa", "Sa Ni Dha Ma Ga Sa" i am in heaven.. The bliss it gives u just have to feel... And the other is "Jeevan Puri" .. And i particularly liked the lakshana geetha of this raaga.."More Sayyan Jeevan Puri Ko Sunaye.."

The days went on as it never knew that we were going to take music exam that year..
Our syllabus was incomplete and our dear madam got transfer! We were shocked.. But not losing heart, we recorded all the remaining portions and were in tears to send off our beloved madam... After she left, her house was empty and we went every night there to practice... It was rainy season and water touched our knees even inside her house (one of the dormitories was given to her for residence ).. And no power in the room... In those rainy dark nights we lived our most cherishing days.. At least for me, they are most cherishing... And we gave the exam, got good result even.. And thats all...
Then i joined Carnatic music class in Ujire with Nidle rajarajeshwari, but it was not so cherishing.. There were so many students and i was not able to dedicate myself fully to music as i had other commitments related to my academics... I could attend some workshops and learn good Carnatic music keerthanas as well but it remined incomplete... i had a dream to become a research scholar, and music learning became a dream thereafter... Now i think i will join music school again, in coming days.. But my work makes me postpone it all the time... I am sure i will continue learning music, but when?? I do not know... Music is in my nerves, in my breathe, i feel it, i enjoy it... I need time and a guru like my surekha madam who taught us music only to transfer the knowledge and in addition, she gave us un-conditional love which is really invaluable...

Swamiji

Today, Jan 12th is Swami Vivekananda's birth day.
The greatest of great men i admired ever.
He has influenced me to a great extent.
One quote which i found very inspiring and motivating is,
"Take up one idea.Make that one idea your own.
Think of it; dream of it; live on it.
Let your mind, muscles, nerves every part of your body
be full of that one idea. Just leave every other idea alone.
This is the way to success!"
-Swami Vivekananda.


I always tried to follow it.
In every little thing i do,if i am
successful, i am right on the path;
only one idea in mind.
But its not always the case.
Thoughts pour into mind, from all possible
directions, whether i want them or not.
Unknown fear, feeling discouraged and i would think
to give up almost.I'll suffer with them for sometime.

But again swami's words on the wall
give me strength:


" Be Fearless Fear is death, fear is sin, fear is hell, fear is unrighteousness, fear is wrong life. All the negative thoughts and ideas that are in the world have proceeded from this evil spirit of fear."
-Swami Vivekananda.


I will become alert,
throw everything else from mind,
and focus on that one idea again.

These two cycles come as day and night come
periodically. It thus proves the phenomena
that nothing stays long;
Bad days go, even good days go.
We just have to be aware of our duty today.

I should mention here that, its one year today that i
joined Indian Institute of Astrophysics as a PhD student.
My dream of several years came true on this day of 2007.

Truth

Truth can be bitter...
Truth can be painful...
Truth can be funny...
But truth is always a truth...

You can make one believe a lie as truth...
You can never make one believe a truth as lie...
Because,
Truth is always a truth and
Lie is always a lie!!

May be its true...

May be its true that some thoughts will never come true...
May be its true that sometimes i can't prove...
May be its true that somethings which i believe do not exist at all...
And they just cross the mind without any reason...
May be its true that somethings-which i think today
that would make me happy tomorrow will dissolve tonight in darkness and
next morning (which surely comes) comes with a different light...
Light-bright enough to overwhelm my thoughts...
And makes me realize that,
Light that i had expected is not the end of darkness...
Its just a light which even ends with darkness...

I may shed a few drops today..
I don't want them to flow tomorrow...
This little strength is that i have always...
I certainly have always...

Life is an Illusion..

Thoughts..
We grow... we think..
Think without sleep...
To know the answer to the
Questions that will never have an answer..

Joy...
We can't say what is joy..
For , as someone said,
“Anything that is achieved loses its charm”

Pain...
We cry for having pain,
but thats not a pain..
We can't understand the real pain..
For we will be tear less for the real pain..

Life is a confusion..
An illusion for short periods..
It gives glimpses of everything..
Nothing stays long..
Days will pass..

Still We think...We laugh..
We cry..
And we live..

A Young Tortoise

It was my first spring,
I just put my head
out of the shell;
To seek the truth
against the unlimited
imaginations i had about it,
from the stories i heard
from my mom and friends!

I felt ecstatically great,
by the warm, soothing light
after the last cold and dark night.
I enjoyed the day
and the days that came next,
playing in the sand and sea water,
made new friends!

Spring was just a hope to live,
A warm breeze but short lived,
Then it just went,
leaving only bare thoughts,
Ofcourse reminded me to
put my head back inside the shell!!!

Real Vs Imaginary.

This is just an attempt to reflect my view of real and imaginary world. Will add more whenever i find time. Einstein said,
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain;
and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
I love mathematics and transitivity holds. That means most of the times i dwell in this imaginary world which does not refer to reality. Most of us are in this state of mind at least for sometime.
Of course, i imagine a lot. If anything is not like what i have imagined,
i just can't accept it. Approximations, are mandatory in order to apply a mathematical theory to a
physical situation to understand the situation practically. Because physically nothing can be understood by a pure mathematical theory. I imagine a story behind everything i come across.
It may be the number sequence, swarasthana of swaras, a raaga, a star, an unseen place or people.
This has made me enjoy abstract things in mathematics in my own way and has made me love mathematics, pure mathematics the most. Also it lead me to love raagas such as Maalkouns or Hindola, by feeling them. But it has also made me suffer a lot. Indeed you will learn to live when such processings take place inside your mind. But reality, most of the times has proved the contradictions particularly with people. That means, when imagination is applied to a real situation as it is. It certainly needs some approximations. This is my claim. It may be very early to conclude so. Hope my experience with time, physics and mathematics will give more acceptable proofs and hope i learn more. Do you call it madness? This state of mind, is called madness or absent mindedness if it belongs to a normal person. If it is of great people, it is called "Antharmukhi", or turned to ones own self state. Why?? This state of mind will be there
for all. If you make good use of it, it may lead to your success, increase your analyzing power etc. If you allow yourself to suffer, you will be no-where but mad. It can be most challenging to find both the states in phase and realize the self, which may be the ultimate truth.
That will lead to take a complete control over your mind??

A Deer And a Friend not close

On the tip of a hill,
A Little deer stands still
Lost from the herd,
A voice it heard,
Go ahead.
At the cost of taking
the road not taken
repeated the voice,
Go ahead.
No horns to fight,
Only a dream tied tight,
Wind letting down,
Green looking brown,
Repeated the voice,
Go ahead.
Far above in sky,
A lamp bright do lie,
Lighting the entire land,
Held by an unseen hand.
Hand of a friend not close,
A friend you scare to lose,
A friend not a friend
Not close still a friend.
Lamp the hope of light,
Lasts only till night,
Trembled the deer,
Its voice did quaver,
Starring the setting sun,
Made up its mind to run,
Again it heard the voice,
Go ahead,
Don't stop but run,
Don't stop till u win.

Created on : 13th Dec, 2004.

To Kuduremukh Hills.

Oh Blue Mountain
Why are you hiding thyself by,
Those snowy clouds?
Can't I have a single glimpse
Over thy Vallies deep!
Edges steep!
How can you stand still for
Long aloof hours?
Don't you feel like flying
With thy feathered tiny comrades?
One Day,
When sun is young,
Rain droplets do sing,
I'll climb the coloured bow
at a strech!
And reach the aloft land
on thy rocky bed!
To feel thy eternal beauty
Alive or Dead!!!


Created on 24th Oct, 2004.